Dear World: Food

Posted by CrazyDistortion from Rhondda Cynon Taff - Published on 18/06/2012 at 18:00
7 comments » - Tagged as Creative Writing, Food & Drink, People

This article is pending translation.

Dear World,

There are a few certainties in life, aren't there?

You know, we all live, sleep, pay taxes and unfortunately for some, will die too. What an optimistic start.

But another thing that's usually a certainty is that we all, as humans, have a need to eat. The joyous procedure where man must consume something in the intention to gain energy to do stuff in the future, like playing tennis or arm-wrestling a pantomime horse. Your average Thursday night in Blackpool, I think you'd agree.

Anyway, my relationship with food seems to be against the norm. By that, I don't mean that I spend my Tuesdays cuddled up with some bacon while singing Barry Manilow songs to said foodstuff. I'm not ready to take that chance again.

Recently, I have been called a social hermit by a friend of mine. Now, I do not think of this as an insult, but I think the same goes to my feeding habits. I am, in many ways, also an eating hermit.

Allow me to explain, dearest world.

Ever since I can remember, I have eaten alone. Well, not on Christmas or important days like a birthday. But even then, I'm just the anti-social baboon that sits at the end of the table, eating with haste in hope that the meal will end soon.

I could be anywhere. A meal with friends or family, a McDonald's as we have a break from the road, even when I eat a sandwich on the train as I come home from university, it's all the same.

Even in the comfort of my own home, I find it difficult to eat in front of my family. Apart from Christmas and maybe one time when one of my sisters decide it's time to show off that someone's a year older by eating somewhere else, I always eat in my room. Even on CLIC Weekenders, I've eaten in my room for about ninety percent of the meals.

Why?

Honestly? I'm nervous. And paranoid.

I don't say that and try to imply that I am a disgusting eater, doomed to consume foodstuffs alone due to my horrible facial expressions as my teeth breaks down my meal. Nothing like that.

I don't know why I feel like this, and as I said, it's with everyone. Whether it's my best friend or my parents, I just feel extremely awkward eating in front of anyone.

And that almost always brings up the question, "Why do I never see you eat?"

Which, indeed, is a fair question.

Not only is it because of my social awkwardness of eating in front of people, there is one major factor that rules my eating habits. And for this, I shall use a saying that my great grandfather used to say. According to my mother, anyway, "I eat to live, not live to eat".

I have this thought where if I don't feel hungry, I don't feel the need to eat. If there's one thing I hate, that is eating when I don't feel like it. And this has kind of ruined my time table of meals.

Some days, I seem to eat normally. Breakfast at seven, then lunch at one, ending on a lovely meal at eight in the evening. But other times, I only eat once a day or even not at all. And yet, I still feel fine. No hunger alarm sounds in my brain, no need to fill my mouth with carbs or anything like that.

When I used to explain this in school, some fellow students used to think that I was anorexic. And I was, and am, far from it.

I had, and still have, what scientists claim as an average body weight. I was never underweight. It just seemed to me that they just saw my non-eating and instantly had that word imprinted into their minds.

It somewhat continued in university, where some of my fellow students used to assume that I was an android, only consuming energy via a docking station. They really didn't understand how to stop with the terrible jokes.

But do you know what the weird thing is? If I do feel a bit hungry, and I'm working, busy, or even around someone who's eating or if I see food, I suddenly feel fine. My hunger seems to implode, and disappears. It's hard to explain, but it just goes, only to return about twelve hours later.

I know this isn't healthy. I know that only eating when you're hungry is potentially bad for my being. I know that shying away when it's my time to consume food is bad for me socially, especially if I ever have a romantic relationship with a female and she suggests to eat out somewhere.

But I can't help it. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, and it seems that I'm the only person who has this thought when it comes to food. It's not anything that other people have done; it's all down to me. I just hope that others around me understand that I'm not being a pillock in a dustbin, like I'm insulting them for not eating while they are around.

I don't know, world. Maybe things will change in a few years. But then again, I said that a few years ago, and look where I am now.

I thank ye, world.

More Dear World (and much, much more) from CrazyDistortion

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7 Comments – Post a comment

cindyCLIC

Commented 12 months ago - 18th June 2012 - 20:34pm

We don't think you're weird, we just sometimes worry that you don't eat. But now we know you do and so we have stopped nagging you about eating. Everybody is different, sometimes there just isn't any explanation as to why we behave in a certain way. If you meet a girl and she loves and respects you, she will understand why you prefer to eat alone. And perhaps if the feeling is mutual, you may feel motivated enough to overcome the unease of eating in front of others. But until then, do whatever makes you happy. Oh and we'll give you permission to tell us (especially me) to stop stuffing our faces in the office. Hehehe...

Tansi

Commented 12 months ago - 19th June 2012 - 00:14am

This was very insightful and an interesting read.

BethanTheBarmy

Commented 12 months ago - 19th June 2012 - 19:35pm

"Recently, I have been called a social hermit by a friend of mine." - Is this referring to me or Portia? Haha!

I understand entirely where you're coming from. I used to be exactly the same, and I still am to an extent. As you've seen from both WICID and CLIC residentials, I don't eat with everyone else at the table. Frankly, the idea turns my stomach... No offence intended there.

I find that now, if I'm comfortable around people, then I might have food in front of them, but that's got to be SUPER comfortable. For the entirety of an eighteen month relationship, I didn't eat in front of my boyfriend's parents. Oh, how they mocked me. *Sad music*

I am better than I was though, and I put it down to me becoming more sociable as a person. But you should still consider it a compliment if I eat an entire meal in front of you!
I know plenty of others who feel the same about eating publicly too, so don't feel too alienated!

Deliah

Commented 12 months ago - 19th June 2012 - 22:48pm

Your not alone on this topic of food. I normally eat alone in my room instead of eating with my parents/family members. I also understand the needs not to eat. A year ago I didn't eat for a month and my appetite completely changed. If I didn't want to eat I didin't. Though I have come to learn that if I feel any sort of pain and/or uneasiness, that it means that I may not feel hungry, but I do need to eat. I have been constantly told that even if I do not feel hungry I must still eat. These days I have my friends reporting to my parents on whether I have had food during school hours or not.
Anyway, you're not alone. Never forget that. That's something I am slowly beginning to learn. If you do happen to go in to a relationship, then any girl who cares about you and understands you won't make a big deal out of this. We are all human and if they care about you, it shouldn't matter.

769

Commented 12 months ago - 20th June 2012 - 10:52am

great article - and no, you are not alone!

I have always been quite a slim guy due to a high metabolism, and get quite annoyed at people's 'innocent' comments regarding food..
e.g - I'm not really a lover of chocolate, and when i decline offers from friends and acquaintances, I get that "oh, you could do with it to put on some weight" type response....
would they say to an obese person "oh, i wont offer you any, as you look like you have eaten far too much already" ? - i think not..

so try not to let people's misguided comments get to you... people should be more considerate in regards to eating habbits, as everyone is different...
p.s love the 'eat to live, not live to eat' philosophy....